In 2003, I was 25 years old and I found myself in a very, very difficult and unhealthy relationship. I became pregnant and I decided to seek out the option of an abortion. I called around and found Planned Parenthood and made an appointment. When I walked in the atmosphere was cold and dark. So I left and called a health clinic. I gave no thought to what was going to be done. The information I received was very limited, and at that time that didn’t matter to me. I felt that the least I knew about it the better off I would be.
After signing a document and paying a fee I was taken into a room that had a bed and an ultrasound machine so they could confirm pregnancy and determine gestational stage. The ultrasound was very quick, and no details were given. A pill was given to me and I took it there. The only thing they told me was that the medication I had just taken was going to end the pregnancy and that I was going to start bleeding in just a few hours. I didn’t sink in I (nor was mentioned to me) that I was killing a baby, a baby that was developing and growing inside of me. A baby that was vulnerable and defenseless with no choice.
After the whole process ended and after days of bleeding I felt that the sensitivity towards death had departed from me. I felt like the walking dead. I had always felt unworthy of anything good, and now I felt like a murderer and feared the possibility of anyone finding out.
Despite that experience, about 14 months later, I became pregnant again and I decided to have another abortion. It all repeated exactly like the first time. No sense of value for life, for the life of the baby or the mother. The fewer questions you ask the better for everybody.
What I realize now is that I not only killed my own precious babies but I killed something inside of me. Not only my babies were being ripped out of my womb but parts of my soul were ripped out of my being. This is how I lived for years after my abortions. Thanks be to God I found hope and healing with the support of Restored by Grace Ministries.