When I was 23, I chose to have an abortion. It was a decision that caused an unexpected amount of grief to build up in my heart and spread like cancer. Inevitably, the weight of that burden took me to some of the darkest places in my life. As years passed, the realization of what I had done slowly caught up with me. It was over. I wasn't pregnant any longer. I thought the stress would have subsided when I felt my child pass, but instead it was just beginning.
I spent years after my abortion hating the person I was and feeling defeated in this world. I was plagued by the thought that my decision not only affected me but caused a ripple effect for generations. How many lives had I really robbed? In my eyes, I had made the one decision that you can never take back, I took a life. My own child's life. It's a basic human instinct to protect our children from harm, to stick up for the weak, and defend what is right. Knowing that I was the sole cause of my child's death, tormented me for years. I felt like a monster. I had failed myself, I had failed my child, and I had failed God.
I was at the end of my rope emotionally, when a friend who had experienced an abortion herself, shared her testimony at church. She encouraged me to consider attending a local abortion recovery class that she herself had attended. I wanted freedom. I wanted to say the word "abortion" without feeling sick to my stomach. I was tired of carrying the wait of my sin, but I was terrified and ashamed to share my story. After much thought, I realized I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Through scripture and prayer I was able to find healing and forgiveness. Throughout the course of this class I felt the Lords mercy and my heart was forever changed by the love that poured out of the men and women anointed by this ministry. My chains were broken. I know I will never find full healing in this world, but I am comforted knowing that I would be reunited with my child in Heaven one day. It's time to right this wrong."